they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
