hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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