he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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