So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
