so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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