you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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