1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
