My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
