And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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