there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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