i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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