pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
