No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
