so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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