hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
