he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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