I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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