I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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