True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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