Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You're like the curious george of whores
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
