I cannot find my penis.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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