Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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