he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
That accounts for only three of the penises
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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