If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
