Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize