Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
