dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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