You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I will be naked everywhere
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
