I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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