Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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