with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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