I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
tell me about the eggs
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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