I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
