dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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