So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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