it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
