Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
