Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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