Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
