your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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