Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
vagina is talking i cant
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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