I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
