You smell like stripper and shame
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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