im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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