There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
