Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
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