If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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