I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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