I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
