you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
sarcasm needs its own font
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
