I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
