i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
