I think I am morally bankrupt
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
