just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
