i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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