Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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