ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
