i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
