I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
