I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
