somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
