Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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