just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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