Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
