hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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