Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
