just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
