I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
