This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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