He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
